Seasons...

I have started writing this post many times and keep deleting it for fear that my words and my heart won't come across the way I want them to. So bare with me friends. 

I'll start with last night. It might be the wrong place to start, but it's the freshest. 

For the last year I have been journeying with a group of girls, grade 6, at my school. We meet weekly in a small group and talk about life. Now, life to me is very different to life for them. Despite the fact that I grew up in a dysfunctional home with a recovered alcoholic father and a co-dependent mother, mixed in with a bit of church and Jesus, and don't forget the double-wide mobile home with broken down cars in the front yard (over grown by grass), but living through my life is nothing like what they have had to live through. I never had to question my parent's love for me, or fear for my life. I was never abused or hated. I never went without food. I never questioned if my mom was going to come home at night. These 5 girls have lived with all of that. It has been an amazing journey. It started with a lot of anger and hurt. Tears and gut-wrenching sobs. Laughter and stories. Lies and then honesty. So, last night we celebrated our year with a Mother-Daughter Dessert. 

The night turned out beautiful. The girls were giddy with excitement. All together we had about 30 women (we teamed up with another chaplain and her small group as well) and the night was themed around "women of worth". Our guest speaker shared about our uniqueness in God and how He has created us with worth. Majority of ladies there have never been to church before. Have never heard the truth about God. Many of them were very uncomfortable with God being the main subject but there were a few that allowed this truth of their worth in God to deeply resonate in their heart. 

I ended up driving one of the moms and her daughter home. I had been meeting with her daughter for the whole year one-on-one due to her being severely sexually abused. And over the year we have become very close. She draws me pictures and decorates my office with the nicest accolades and the such. I have had very few conversations with her mom, but she opened up to me like i was an old friend. I dropped the daughter off at her grandma's and started the long drive to the mom's house. There she shared with me about her life. She was abused by her dad for 8 years of her life. She is an alcoholic and an extensive drug addict (albeit she's been clean for maybe 4 months?). She's a single mom with 4 kids, the youngest being Autistic. And due to sex addiction and the need for money she has been prostituting herself every night for the last year. And no one knows. I was the first person she has told. And man, she bared all. She was crying as she shared how no one has ever told her that she has worth. That God designed her with purpose. Or that she was loved unconditionally. She cried as she thanked me for counseling her daughter, and for being her friend. She said, "If there wasn't any other reason for you to be at that school, it was for my daughter. Her life has been changed since she's known you." Wow. It was such a profound night, for both of us. 

Little did she know that I am not planning on returning to chaplaincy next year. And little did she know how her words were like a balm to my heart. As the words she heard were like a balm to hers. I count it pure joy and I feel so privileged to have seen a small harvest in the seeds that have been sown. I was so afraid, just a few weeks ago, that I would never get to see results from this hard year. And it isn't for my reward, but for the souls of these kids that i so desperately love. I want to see them changed. And I want to see them embrace a full future without fear. And ultimately I want them to know Jesus. So, to have this mom say to me that she's seen a change in her daughter was so exciting. And wow, not only that, but that she had been so touched by the evening. Enough so to bare all her heart to a complete stranger. I love how God intricately orchestrates all things. 

I think back 2 1/2 years ago and how much I resented moving here. I hated it actually. I hated everything about it. I didn't have one friend. I felt so lost and alone, like I didn't have any purpose. Yet, God had promised me many things when I finally conceded and chose to follow my husband here. I look back and I'm amazed of what God has done. I know this isn't a very profound thought, but God knew that I would be right here at this moment. He planned for me to be a chaplain. To mentor and walk with these girls. I feel so honored that he chose me for the job. 

So, what's in store for next year? I have no idea! No, actually I have really felt like God has been calling me to stay home with the boys. Over the last year I have poured out all of myself to my school and my kids really need me. I'm incredibly sad to say goodbye, but I look forward to this next season and what potentially is in store for me. I will still serve, at some capacity, in chaplaincy, just not at the fullest. Please be praying for us as a family over the next few months. We are standing in front of a lot of opportunities. Pray for clarity and wisdom as we walk through that door. 

Thank you to everyone who has walked with me through this season. I will have to dedicate a whole post to you all, and i will. My next one. So...stay tuned to hear about all the people that contributed to my year as a chaplain. :) 

BTW- if this post is all over place, welcome to my brain at the moment. I asked you to bare with me, didn't I? Looking forward to seeing everyone Stateside in just 10 days!